Week 6, Zanna: True Compliments

The Exercise: Once a day, think of someone close to you--a family member, a friend, or a co-worker-- and give them a genuine compliment.  The closer the person is to you, the better, such as a child or a parent. )It doesn't count to tell a stranger at the post office that you like their scarf.) The more specific the compliment, the better.  Become aware also of any compliments other people give you. Investigate the purpose of compliments and the effect on you being given a compliment.

I was really afraid at the start of this exercise that any attempt to give genuine compliments would be met with sneers and eye rolls.  I'm generally regarded as a brilliant burro (or some thesauric equivalent) and as such have noticed a tendency to but a backspin on compliments.  It's tough. If Middle School taught me anything it's that both giving and receiving compliments puts you in a vulnerable position. Don't be too enthusiastic about anything lest you look like a dork.  Thanks, Middle School, you cold hard bitch.

I must say the results weren't noticeably dramatic on the giving side of the exercise.  One friend was complimented on his cooking skills, another on parenting choices, yet another on consistently good advice.  I'm not sure that it registered to them that I was doing anything differently. I compliment people fairly regularly, I just took off the backhand.  I didn't tell anyone that this was the mission until last night when I mentioned it to the Husband. Once I mentioned that I'd been making a point of it, he did say, "I guess now that you say it, I did notice more compliments than usual."
And then he complimented me... and I deflected it! Gah! Why do I do that?  It's been a big week for getting compliments for me.  We had the company bake sale fundraiser for the American Heart Association (yes, my eyebrows rise quizzically too) and I made my TruffleZ and received many compliments for the sweets.  In the name of sales, I need to be gracious about that type of compliment. No one wants to hear the response to "These are delicious!" as "Well, it's not my best batch ever".   It's worse when someone compliments me directly.  The Husband said to me this week, "You're so smart" (not sarcastically) and the first words that started to come out of my mouth were, "Not smart enough to do *insert random thing*"  This has long been a theme for me.  When I first met the woman who is now my mother-in-law, the first thing she said to me was, "You're very pretty."  And I responded, "Well, at least I'm stupid."  (This was a joke for years with my friends, you know, like... she's ugly, but she has a great personality... we played with it some... she's pretty, but at least she's stupid  *sigh*).   She was relieved to find out that I had just panicked.  Even writing this is hard... as though through reporting that someone said I'm pretty or smart, I'm being a braggart.
I guess it's a combination of my Scandinavian/German heritage, my Gasqueness, and the hard lessons of the Middle School playground.
I'll keep working on it. And thank you.